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Paint Myself Trying

from Lauren Oxford by Lauren Oxford

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  • Compact Disc (CD) + Digital Album

    physical media lovers rejoice!
    • the CD comes in a protective sleeve and has a four-panel gatefold case with a plastic tray for the disc & a pocket for the six-page lyric booklet
    • artwork, design, photography, hand lettering, and layout by Lauren Oxford (with help from Emma Oxford)

    Includes unlimited streaming of Lauren Oxford via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
    ships out within 3 days

      $15 USD or more 

     

  • Streaming + Download

    Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
    Purchasable with gift card

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  • Buy the Full Digital Album

about

Is it really sad that my way of coping with existence is showering other people with all the love I feel and withholding it from myself almost entirely? Yeah... but I'm still here, and that means we're working on it.

I will always be trying and failing and learning, but I think that's what matters.

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

lyrics

bimonthly, i’m going to therapy
i’m trying my best to write songs
i let people tell me they love me
and i try not to tell them they’re wrong

some say you can’t love others until you love yourself
speaking on behalf of us with imperfect mental health
but i don’t see how that can be true
when so much of me is my love for you

and why would i hurt somebody else
when i can take any bad thing out on myself?

if there’s anything that’s true for me, if there’s anything i’ve learned
i’ve gotta live with the bridges i’ve built and the bridges that i’ve burned
got an arsenal of answers that i use to survive:
distract, devote, consume, fawn, and self-deprive

because why would i hurt somebody else
when i can take any bad thing out on myself?

it’s hard for me to understand how you’re still here
steadfast in your belief that this fog will clear
i can’t make any sense of what you see in me
when i’m drinking up the waters of the self-hating sea
i worry that it’s too late to paint myself anew
but if i can’t do it for me, then i’ll do it for you
is that wrong? is that wrong?
am i wrong? am i wrong?

‘cause why would i hurt somebody else
when i can take any bad thing out on myself?

there’s all this love that hums somewhere deep inside of me
and it’s all reserved for others and something that i never see
and is it healthy? no, but it’s what i do to cope
we’re all doing whatever we must, whatever we can, to cope:

bimonthly, i’m going to therapy
i’m trying my best to write songs
i let people tell me they love me
and i try not to tell them they’re wrong

credits

from Lauren Oxford, released October 28, 2022
written February 2020

Lauren Oxford: lead vocals, guitar (open C tuning)
Jen Midkiff: lever harp
Sunnie Larsen: violin, viola, harmony vocals
Jen Distad: five-string bass, shaker, tambourine
Dr. Sally Childs-Helton: cajon, djembe

license

all rights reserved

tags

about

Lauren Oxford image

Lauren Oxford Sevierville, Tennessee

Lauren Oxford is a songwriter, folksinger, and filker who lives in the mountains of East Tennessee with her wife Emma & their three cats. Her debut album combines soul-bearing, heartfelt lyricism and lush, thoughtful orchestration, courtesy of some of her dearest friends.

She is also a member of folk “queertet” The Starlight Darlins, whose first EP is also available on Bandcamp. (see link below) ... more

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